Denial.

The day before my chemistry and philosophy test, I felt untouchable. This was not due to my preparedness for the exams but because of this random, undeserved, calm energy surrounding me. I let the hours waste away as me and my roommates took a drive, feeling the wind in our hair, talking about how we could just pick a direction and drive, never looking back. We left our escape fantasy in the parking lot and made the walk back to our dorm. “I’m telling you. They only need one confirmed case to send us home. I bet you that is going to happen tonight latest,” my roommate Rebecca said: surely that was just wishful thinking, I thought. I swear no more than five minutes after those words left her mouth, the announcement came. Spring break was here early. “But what if they shut the school down completely and we don’t get to live with each other anymore?” my roommates stammered. I didn’t understand the outcry from the students. No tests? No homework? No classes? How can people be finding flaws with this? Naturally, I told everyone to relax. I told them that we weren’t saying goodbye and that this was an overreaction to something insignificant. I told them to enjoy the mental health break before we would be forced to come back. Well, I got that wrong. 

Anger.

The transition to online classes felt like a bad breakup. During all hours of the day I was constantly receiving notifications for Canvas updates. I would look at my phone to see that a professor changed the due date for an assignment for the seventh time and think, why can’t we both move on, the space is good for us, we can try again in the fall. On the other hand some professors went completely silent, leaving me clueless about their expectations for me, generating anxiety about missing assignments. 

Bargaining.

Quarantine has been an adjustment for all of us, and many compromises have been made. For example, I convinced my best-friend and my boyfriend to quarantine themselves with me. Having them with me through everything has really brought down my stress levels. In an academic standpoint, students are changing their classes to Pass/Fail as a fair trade for the inconveniences of the coronavirus. Personally, I think this sounds too good to be true and I’m waiting to hear the catch. People’s jobs have been majorly affected by this too. Many of my friends and their siblings have lost their jobs. Those that still have their jobs are experiencing major changes. My dad, who works in IT, now has to fix people’s computer problems through an emailed step-by-step guide. My friend’s mom has to work four hours a day to get paid but that is nearly impossible to do as she is an aid for high schoolers with special needs. Right now, there is so much ambiguity and confusion surrounding job security and paychecks that people aren’t sure how the bills are going to be paid. 

Depression.

Students are definitely distraught over the end of the semester. My roommates have been spamming pictures of them crying over Snapchat because we are not all living together again next semester. I managed to stay strong since I know we didn’t say our last goodbye. I would say, “Soon this will all be a funny memory.” But it’s not funny. The virus has started to impact people around me. My roommate and her family have the coronavirus, which is especially dangerous as her mom is in recovery from cancer. Two high school teachers in my hometown tested positive for the coronavirus, causing the school to shut down. The chances of that spreading in my town are high since Allentown is only a half a square mile. Even in this small town it is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the pandemic that is happening around us. 

Acceptance.

Being home is almost like a comforting blanket surrounding me during these times. Fortunately, my friends only live fifteen minutes away from me and being around them again is filling the void that I had when I was away. Even though it feels like I have had more work this week than all year, I still feel like I am able to stay calm in the company of my friends. Having the ability to rest has really cleared my head. Solving puzzles, playing animal crossing and watching Tik Tok are actually far more important to my mental health than I realized. 

Ellie Pellecchia