I stare at the pictures that line the wall of my uncle’s house as all the happy memories flood my mind and I begin to shed a tear. My mom consoles me and after many days a smile seems to have returned for a quick moment of bliss. There are moments in life that will leave a lasting impact and define who we are. On August 6th, 2016 my life changed forever with a single phone call.

The moment that call came through will forever be etched into the deepest part of my mind. The call that changed my family forever, the call from my uncle saying the body had been found. The body had been found with a backpack full of rocks and a knife in the pocket. The body of my cousin was found at the bottom of a river. 

I remember waking up that morning, I thought it was just a normal day. I saw my grandpa leave for his six mile walk and I was awoken for a split second to the sound of my dad’s car starting for work. My Mom’s phone sat at the edge of the island with a few miscellaneous papers surrounding it. My Grandma sat on the patio snacking on crackers, sipping tea, and catching up on the daily news. Upstairs my brother was sound asleep because he needed his ‘beauty rest.’ I was in the kitchen with my mom finishing up my stupid summer packet for algebra two. But the quaintness of the day was destroyed by the vicious ring of a phone. I saw my mom immediately collapse when she answered the phone and she quickly yelled “go… take care of Pappa (grandma in my mother tongue).” I heard the shattering of the mug and ran to catch her before she had the chance to hit the ground. Seeing them absolutely broken destroyed my world, but at that moment I could not shed a single tear. I waited until I was in the comfort of my bed to succumb to the pain that was holding my heart.

It is crazy how something as mundane as a phone call can be the life altering moment that  is talked about in the movies. This moment made me rethink everything that I had known. The fragility of life and how I cannot take any moments for granted. It made me realize that sometimes it is necessary to do more than just say I love you, I have to truly show it. There are moments that I still forget to follow these principles but something always reminds me.  

I also was plagued with hundreds of impossible questions. Could I have done more? Did I miss the signs?  It takes so much strength to stop these questions, but they did spark a necessary conversation within my family. That day the phone call came, a wall was dropped in my family. We were always the stereotypical Indian family that believed as long as we didn’t talk about our mental health it would not become a problem. There was a rapid shift from that ideal and we would actually talk about it allowing us to heal together.  

Healing takes time and being able to accept the loss of someone that you looked up to is nearly impossible but there are moments that ease the pain. These moments of relief come when you are surrounded by loved one, celebrating the life that was lived and not the life that was lost. They come not when you have moved on and forgotten but more when you are able to remember the  happy memories. In order to heal you have to give yourself time, but in order to accept the slight glimmer of good that came from tragedy takes a lifetime.