In a perfect world we would be able to customize our characters before pressing start. We could adjust the sliders to create full hips, pinch inches off of our waists before adding them onto our chests, and meticulously sculpt our jawbones until our bodies were pieces of flawless artwork. Our career paths would be fixed, our choices, deliberate. Our predetermined future would fall into place perfectly, the way we designed it. 

It goes without saying that this utopia is a distant fantasy. In the buzz of the real world plans are spontaneous, personalities are inconsistent, and we are forced inside randomized bodies with inescapable limitations that we are required to accept. The future is unpredictable and we allow the white noise around us screaming, “This isn’t good enough” to tear us down. Instead of seeing a peaceful home we see the dishes we have yet to do. Instead of imagining the beautiful families we can have in the future we see the debt that comes with our education. Our world is filled with the undeniable faults that out-shadow the positives yet to come. 

It’s hard to know if others share in these thoughts as social media is filled with all the lucky ones, the ones who have their ideal lives in their ideal bodies, eager to show you exactly that. I took these thoughts to my suite-mates to gather a consensus on the typical thoughts of a college student. After asking them a few leading questions about their mental health throughout their rushing experience, we got onto the topic of trying to be your ideal self, fitting in, and comparing yourself to others. After asking what causes everyone to compare themselves to their peers I got the response, “The grass is always greener on the other side. That’s just how it is and that’s how it always will be. It’s human nature to find flaws in everything, including yourself.” She’s not wrong. We have had nineteen years to discover every flaw in ourselves, and we know every intimate, painful details of our lives. It is easy to forget about the real human experience when scrolling through an instagram feed, forgetting that those people are advertising themselves to you, hoping to get a validating double-tap. We assume their lives must be as perfect as they are portraying it to be. I asked them about instagram models and if they fall into those traps: “People are allowed to be proud of their bodies. It crosses a line when they promote fitness teas and dieting pills if, in reality, they got their results through plastic surgery.” The promotion of dieting pills gives rise to unrealistic body standards that invalidate the realistic, attainable results seen by people who dedicate their time at the gym. This disappointment can make people turn to ways of getting the body they desire through forms of instant gratification. Luckily, my suite-mate had a refreshing perspective on the situation: “When I’m at the gym, that’s a chance for me to do good for myself so I choose not to ruin that by comparing my body to others. The gym should be a safe space for everyone, and that means accepting your body’s limitations knowing that everyone has to start somewhere”. Gyms such as Planet Fitness promote this exact idea. If everyone felt this way, there is a high chance that working out could be seen as daily self-care and not a chore that triggers self-doubt. This is a lesson on taking inspiration from others to help you achieve your goals, not as a scolding for not meeting your own standards, however high you have set them.

There is comfort in the rawness of vulnerability. Ask for help. Talk about your feelings. Be real. It takes individual action to change the perspectives of society. Don’t hide yourself. Positivity is contagious. Be the change.